Kaylee Lowe

Clouds have never moved

more quickly than here

under the blaze.

A child’s laugh has never fallen

on softer ears than mine, now.

I watch her spoon pasta,

painting red her lace bib.

The water never cooler,

as condensation on a glass

of spiked lemonade.

Stone never felt refreshing

on bare feet, as here in this city.

And I miss you.

Your hands were rough,

But they made sturdy dreamcatchers,

pointing out shapes in the clouds.

I imagine the father you would have made,

better than mine, I now know.

But I didn’t want two girls and a boy,

even if I could’ve given them to you.

Our martini nights so quickly turned

sour, like the salted limes on glass,

It’s funny how we called it passion.

The summer before college

My mother invited me to her house for tea,

she said,

but I know she only drinks whiskey.

My tires hit the gravel,

sliding down the narrow driveway.

The whirlpool in my stomach spinning,

something more than tea is waiting,

I know

I turn my key in the doorknob,

almost surprised it still fits.

I call her name,

I haven’t said “mom” since the day I left.

No response echoes back,

but I know where she’ll be.

I step onto the back porch

and there a cigarette,

circling fumes escaping its head.

At first, I think,

nothing has changed

but my eyes travel down.

Her growing belly,

stretching out from her blouse,

contrasting the rest of her slim frame.

“She’s the size of an avocado”

I watch a ring of smoke.

“I’m due in February”

I remain frozen, entranced.

“She’ll be named after your grandmother”

Her eyes beg for some response.

All I can find is the cigarette,

Watching as she takes another puff

Another child born with lungs of ash

She draws another breath

Musty perfume,
The kind that grows on you
The haze of cheap cigarettes
Contrasted against the crisp Adriatic air

Catching that familiar scent in my lungs,
I was back on that bus,
My head rattling against the window.
I was drifting along those canals,
Jogging through those modest alleyways,
Scaling those mossy walls

It was as if my feet were planted on the cobblestone,
My fingers trailing the metal railing
My eyes were sweeping the Mediterranean,
My hair pushed back by its current.

I was back
Where there was no heart in need of mending,
No tips to be collected,
No debts to be paid,
At ease in that floating city

Why are the dishes still in the sink?
They will mold overnight.
Why has your dog not been taken out?
The four of you relentlessly begged for her.
Did you pick up your brother from practice?
You have left him waiting too long in the cold.
You forgot to help your sister with her homework?
She will fail because of you.
Why have you picked up less shifts at the shop?
Your family comes first.

The baby has been crying all day,
Did you not feed him?
Your sister will rot her brain out with tv,
How come you never take her outside?
It’s been a long day at the office,
Where is dinner?
She wanted braids, not a ponytail,
Why can’t you just wake up earlier?
That university is an hour away,
Who will take care of this family?