Do you know what it is like to feel like dying? (but not actually die) aka Epilepsy

It’s the feeling of sonder

(n. the realization that each random individual you see is living a life as vivid and intricate as your own—populated with their own dreams, friends, schedules, anxieties, and inherited madness)

But it isn’t poetic or profound

It’s a paralyzing feeling that snowballs into some realization that you are living a life that is no longer your own

You’re in debt to your own mind and there was no previous transaction to leave you in this crippling state and you can’t beg yourself for forgiveness because you are your own greatness weakness

And your own worst nightmare

(Can you sue yourself for fraud? Or is that just an identity crisis?)

Your body becomes this hallowed cage where a monster rattles in your ribcage 

The last real thing you can remember is someone begging to call for help 

(Was that someone me?)

It’s this feeling of feeling nothing because you don’t remember how to feel anything 

You’re alone and numb and someone is having to hold onto you and remind you how to breathe

(How the fuck can that concept be taken from you? How can you just forget to breathe?)

Joely Ford

Joely Ford is a Freshman at Cumberland University who writes poetry, plays, and novels. She is an English major and has been writing stories since she was 8 years old.

NOVUS Literary and Arts Journal
Lebanon, TN